Kerri, with a K

trying to be me

On Pregnancy and Sacrifices

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It’s hard being pregnant.  It’s not just having an alien that’s taking over my body and attacking me from the inside.  Because that’s a whole other boat of fun to be had.  I can’t do the things I used to do.  And maybe it’s because I’m having an emotional day.  But maybe it’s because I feel left out.  And that’s hard for me.

Our church is putting on Annie.  Hubs knew about it months ago and had always planned to be involved.  But in all the planning he’s been doing and all the ideas for auditions and work schedules he’s had, he has never really thought about whether or not I wanted to be involved in this production.  And of course I wanted to be involved.  I love being onstage and acting and singing and being a part of that process.

And now that I’m pregnant…?  Well, the fact that I’m pregnant doesn’t necessarily rule out my being involved in the production.  The fact that the show date is scheduled for the weekend after the birth of my little alien.  Which means that I really won’t be able to participate, as I will probably be far too pregnant to dance around or move things, let alone perform after the alien arrives.  And that is difficult for me.

And it’s not that I can’t be involved.  Totally.  It’s that Hubs never thought about it.  Never thought that I might actually want to do it.  Never thought that his participation would make me painfully jealous and sad because there is nothing stopping him.

What’s more is that he’s picked a duet for an audition song.  It’s a great song and a lot of fun to sing/perform.  And he signed me up to sing it with him.  He also let the PTB know that I would not be officially auditioning for a part, but just to accompany him.  No, I probably can’t participate due to all of the reasons name above, but it’s not his responsibility to tell them that.  What if I wanted to try?  What if I wanted to audition for a part and see what happened?  I’m not even given that opportunity, because someone else has made that decision for me, not thinking about what I actually want to do.

Many moons ago, before we really tried getting pregnant, we had an interesting conversation in which Hubs mentioned that he would not change just Bbecause he had a kid.  If he wanted to go out, he would and a child would not change his current social haBbits.  I find that terriBbly frustrating, and whether or not that’s true now I still find myself painfully frustrated.  If my life has to change drastically, why doesn’t someone else’s?

I’m not complaining.  I prayed every day for the alien miracle, and my prayer was answered.  I can’t wait to meet him and spend my time with him and watch him grow up.  I’m just saying it would be nice if someone would understand the sacrifices I’m making and maybe show a little compassion and sensitivity, because I am clearly having a difficult time being left out.

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Author: Kerri with a K

Kerri. 30. TV-obsessed. Blogger. Wannabe special agent. Mom-extraordinaire. Just a little of this and a little of that.

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