Kerri, with a K

trying to be me


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The Worst Pregnancy Advice I’ve Received So Far

NOTE: This is one of those posts in which I talk about sex.  More specifically, MY sex life.  Not everyone is interested in hearing about such things, and if you’re one of those people, just stop reading now… you’ll thank me for it later.

Everybody is ready and willing to dish out advice on pregnancy.  Even those who have never been pregnant, but had a friend/relative/mom/sister/aunt who was, and therefore they know everything.  Everyone has an opinion about one thing or another, whether it be names or whatever else.

Now, I love getting advice and opinions, especially since this is my first go at child bearing.  There are a lot of women/moms out there that have offered information worth its weight in gold, and I am so grateful for it.

I’ve been reading books and getting weekly update emails about where I am or should be, what my little nugget is doing inside me, and how to stay healthy and keep him healthy.  And I love reading.  There is so much information, and so many things I never knew.

However.

There was one piece of advice that totally got into my head.  No, it wasn’t about labor or birth or C-sections.  All of those things have so much weight behind them that it’s easy to get lost in freaking out about that many things that could go wrong.  But I’m keeping a good attitude and a clear head about those things.

No.  The worst thing I ever could have read/heard about pregnancy was about sex.  I’ve heard from different people that it gets better as the pregnancy progresses.  That I will agree with.  What killed me was the idea that orgasms would be harder to reach.  Yes.  I said orgasm.

I understand that the orgasm can be elusive for some women.  And by no means do you need to have one to have great sex.  For me, though, I have no trouble achieving this elusive orgasm every time.  And that’s rare.  I thank my dear husband in large part for that.

However.

Since I’ve read this terrible information, true as it may be, my orgasms have become far more elusive – okay, nonexistent – and I can’t begin to express my frustration.  I had gone nearly a week without one, and I was starting to worry.  And the only thing that kept echoing through my head was the passage from The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy I read about this elusiveness:

…we have a consensus on three major points: First, if you are at interested in sex, you can get aroused much more quickly than ever before.

Check.

Second, even though you are easily aroused, it will probably take you longer than before to achieve orgasm.

More annoying Check.

And third, you should take all the extra time you need because the pregnant orgasm is even more profound, longer-lasting, and accompanied by more aftershocks than you’ve ever experienced before.

Color me the most annoyed person.  Ever.

If you ask my hubs, and provided he’ll tell you, I am extremely in tune with my sexuality.  I mentioned above that under normal circumstances, my statistics are pretty high when it comes to orgasms.  But after reading that, I found myself profoundly annoyed, and I let it get to me.

Do I get aroused more easily?  Maybe.  Honestly, I didn’t notice a change, and that’s fine.  I was super into it before, I’m super into it now, and I will definitely be super into later.

Are orgasms really THAT much better during pregnancy?  Um, not really.  They were already mind-blowing and earth-shattering to begin with, so the alleged upgrade does not exist for me.

But damnit if I didn’t get caught on the it will probably take you longer than before comment.  Seriously?

Honestly, you can only go for so long before getting tired, especially when pregnant.  You’re tired all the time anyway.  And the more work you do, the more energy you exert and the more tired you get.  And also, your partner might want to have a say in the length of time spent getting your naughty on.

So, instead of being in the moment, and enjoying time with my hubs, I couldn’t get my mind away from stupid thoughts.  Am I taking too long?  How long is this really going to take?  What kind of trouble are the animals getting into?  I wonder if hubs is getting bored because I’m taking too long…

My advice, gentle readers, is this: if you are pregnant for the first or the third or any time, read as much as you can, get advice from friends and other moms who have gone through the same things, but take it all with a grain of salt.  Understand that everyone is different.  Everyone has different responses to different situations, and no one person is exactly like another.  Don’t get hung up on the little things.  You are bringing new life into this world and there will be side effects.  Don’t let it bother you and go on living your life.

For those who were brave enough to read this until the end, I was able to get out of my head and into the moment long enough to not take forever.  And I must say, it was deeply, deeply satisfying.  No more head games for me.

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